i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
