I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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