i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
