I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
