He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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