Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
