Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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