He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
