omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
