Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
