I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
