Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
