i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
