He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
