Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
