I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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