is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
