I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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