Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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