So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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