areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life