At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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