just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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