so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
