I must be too annoying 4 u.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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