I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
