eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
