Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
