I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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