you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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