The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
