Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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