I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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