Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
