He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
