I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
