we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
