I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
