cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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