the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
