I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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