I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
