the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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