i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
