do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
