I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
