BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize