im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
