eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
