there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
