so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
