My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?