I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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