I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.