There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.