My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
