I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
