You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so let's talk penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
