so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
