I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
