WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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