Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
