i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize