Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
