i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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