Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
