never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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