I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
