What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Someone signed my nipple.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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