I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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