the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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