Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
