I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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