Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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