Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
